Rant - BUGS!!!, (old) - last summer Options

[TheGodfather]

As you all may or may not know, because of God’s recent addiction to alcohol, we seem to be having a little rain problem… So finally a summer where we don’t have drought problems!!! YAY!!!!! I think not! BUGS!!!! No not the innocent fly or the random potatoe bug… Noooooo we are faced with an entire fleet of killer, attack, bloodsucking, ugly, big, invisible, bugs of DEATH!! So let me get to the part of why I am so annoyed with these bugs… I am walking out the door to go to my friends house, and as we all know going near a door nowadays is a privlage of the bug gods.. Especially for those of us who have lights above our front doors… Seems that raves are no longer the hip place to hang out, no no no… the thing to do now is bang your head into a lightbulb over and over!!! Yes sir sounds like a great time to me! Sooo anyway back to my leaving the house shpeel. So as I leave the house, mind you it is daytime and no lights are on to start the overnight head banging session, thats right Mr. Moth I am talking to you, and all your damn new friends, the 10000000 foot mosquitos, and alien shaped centapede type bugs…(ok sorry another rant within a rant: These damn bugs lemme tell ya… the evil alien shaped centapedes… No not the little tiny black ones which crunch when ya step on em, I am talking about the 50 foot long clear invisible hovering alien shaped ones which run faster than a damn cheetah, but better they can do it upsidedown!! They have legs the size of elephants and a body which is invisible to anyone with less than 10/10 vision!) OK SO ANYWAY!!!!

I walk outside the door and much to my suprise, there are NO BUGS!! yay!! I can actually lock the door with my key without waking up the next morning looking like some science fair project on how not to get skin acne… So I move in for the kill, cautiously, and all of a sudden out of no where a huge black suction cup bug attaches to my face causing my hands to go into flailing reaction, forgeting my keys are in hand, backlashing to the knuckles of my hand cutting my hand open, and no longer finding the evil attacking bug… So now I sit here typing with 9 fingers and self humiliation as onlookers watch me flail aimlessley into the air…

But as my nerves calm I realize this one tidbit… Supposedly the average human ingests at least 10 spiders in there sleep in a year… Well GOOD!!! My revenge may be subtle but I kill all of you!!!! EVEN IN MY SLEEP!!!! MAUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!